Pondering

I just want to reiterate,I am writing these memories because I felt uncomfortable relating them verbally.I stated why in a earlier blog. I try to write only things that I remember. On some of the subjects I have touched, people have related incidents to me that happened on or about the same time . So because it is just hearsay, I have not passed it on. Things that I was told about my mother and father are just that!
I am not saying I do not believe what I was told. A lot of it sounds logical.I'm just stating that I will only write what I remember.
The incidents I lived through as a kid formed my beliefs and fears. Just as who ever reads this had their childhood experience form theirs.
Certain things to this day make me paranoid. I always expect that what ever happens next is going to be bad. I know that many good things have happened to me in my life (two good women and four great kids). But certain things from my youth ingrained that fear into me. I know it is wrong but it takes me a very long time to trust any new person I meet. When I was a state kid growing up,it was a common occurrence to have people deride you, sneer at you, and give you what I refer to as the Holier than thou look. I will say this it was only from much older kids and adults. There was certain places we were just not welcome. The minister of the Emmanuel congregational church for one,was agast and practically sneered and giggled all at once,when I told him that I wanted to go to the church summer camp(I did not know you had to pay to go there). So as I said before,I kind of understand what minorities such as black people and aliens have to put up with. So to this day I am rather reclusive and usually come up with a lame assed excuse to avoid social gatherings. I particularly try to avoid bible thumpers,do gooders and artsy fartsy yuppy types. Inferiority complex is what I had as a kid and to a certain degree I still do.
You know how you hear some people say that if they had to live their life over agian they would not change a thing. I personally thing that's a lot of bull shit. I think most people would like to rectify the harmful things they said and did to other people.I know that I personally rue many things I did and said,
The Emmanuel church and other Ryal side memories are going to have to wait for another day.