Wandering Aimlessly

Last fall I noticed that I was becoming very lethargic and a possessor of a large rump.I was also living proof that having large love handles does not turn one into a sex symbol. This did not make much sense to me. I have always had a small appetite and gave up chugging beers ages ago.
A-ha! Dawn over Marblehead! the reason for my funk was the fact that I had always been a very active person. And my new sedate life style was just not burning off my meager food intake.
I decided to get back to a more energetic routine. Taking long walks every day became part of my new regimentation. I soon learned that like every other phase of life. A walker will become a creature of habit.He must walk where there are sidewalks, and This limits his range some what. As walking in the street is reckless bravado at best.
My favorite walking route is a straight line. From my house to the ocean and back. It is a round trip of seven or eight miles. It has sidewalks all the way, hard on the feet, but good for the butt. I stroll this route every day, weather permitting.

Like motorists who have a multitude of peeves with their fellow motorists. so do
pedestrian's. Many pedestrians are just as wrathful as their motorist counterparts.
So the attitude that some of them display should probably be called sidewalk rage.
On my route to the beach,the sidewalk I refer to is just wide enough for two people to walk side by side.
There is a multitude of people using these sidewalks.Joggers,power walkers, cyclist, amblers,dog walkers and folks with prams.
The majority of pedestrians are amblers. These people are courteous and always have a friendly greeting. It goes with out saying I fall into this group.
Strider's are the look at me! and look out for me type. They refuse to move from the center of the walkway and will drop their shoulder and ram you, This is the type who as a motorist like to wave at you with one finger and lean on their car horn. The horn of course is to warn you that you are dealing with someone much more important. And the finger wave of course to brag about their IQ.
Power walkers seem to all be females. I may be wrong about this. But other than the
Olympics, I have never seen a male power walker. The lithe power walkers. Headset
firmly in place, arms pumping, hands clinching some kind of a weight,blow right by with out ever looking at you. The more weight challenged power walkers cannot seem to master the arm swing and hip gyrating movements of their slender counterparts and seemed resigned to an exercise in futility.
Cyclist on the most part are mostly grammar school kids. They ride predominantly on the sidewalk and when they are alone they are very courteous. However when in a group, it's best to just get out of the way. The obnoxious spandex crowd on the other hand, prefers to ride in the middle of the road. They love proving, that what all motorist call them is true.
Joggers seem to be a very serious group. They are courteous but rather impatient, as they all seem to be trying to keep or beat a set pace. As they run, they are constantly glancing at their wrist watch. This brings on a frown and a picked up pace.
Dog walkers can be a real dilemma to the ambler. Their usual greeting is don't worry he won't bite. Now my reaction to that is, look pal the name is Tucker not sucker. My advice is to just gave them both plenty of leeway. You must also be wary of land mines. Some dog owners are conscientious and scoop faithfully. Other's are more inclined to be slovenly. All though there is one dog owner who reaches down with his bare hand and picks up the feces and puts it into his pocket. I have seen him do this on several occasions.(his kin must love hugging him)
The young people who are out pushing strollers, only come out on sunny warm days. They are coutreous and happy, They make me feel melencoly, because they have no idea how difficult the chore of parenthood is going to be.
As I near the beach, another type of walker comes streaming out of the parking lots, These I classify as the strutters. These are also the hey look at me type. They are different than the striders. The strider thinks he's important.The strutter thinks he or she is God's gift to creation and dresses accordingly. These people have no destanation. They are just strutting to be seen.

Shape wise, I am now back to being mean and lean. I feel much better physically. But now I must do something about my jeans, I do not like the baggy assed look.

Thing's I would like to do Revised 3/24/2010

To follow up my other two list, I am adding my "things I would like to do list". This list of course will not have anything practical on it. The things I list will have no chance of transpiring. The chances of Jennifer Aniston knocking on my door, and then winking at me. Have much better odds of happening, then anything on this list.
This blog is inspired by a reader. Who stated there was something on my list of things I would never do,that she always wanted to do.
Things I would like to do!
1. own my own farm
2. visiting rural Russia
3. write a novel
4. find a trove of old coins
5. learn how to whistle
6. buy a fixer upper
7. visit rural parts of Europe
8. own a cottage on a small pond
9. walk and chew gum at same time
10. hit a curve ball
11. open mouth with out inserting foot
After seeing my amateuristic attempts at writing a blog, it's plain to see I will never attempt to write a novel. But sometimes when I am reading a book, I day dream about improving the plot.
I already have had a couple of readers accuse me of being pretentious in my excessive wordage. All I can say about that is, I only use what I feel comfortable with. I try to use words that leave little doubt as to what I am trying to say. Many words have more then one meaning and can be interpreted in a variety of ways. For example. In the fifties if I said, Pierre and Randy,were having a gay old time, fooling around out behind the barn. People would interpret it totally differently than they would today.
So the point I am trying to make. Is that by being a compulsive reader I have expanded my vocabulary. Like I stated in a previous blog.I dozed through most of my English classes. And I would be lost with out the spellcheck icon on my computer.
Two authors who really built up my vocabulary. Charles Todd and his inspector Ian Rutledge series, And M.C. Beaton with her very witty stories about Scottish constable Hamish McBeth.
Charles Todd and M.C Beaton"s tales of these two policemen took place in the early nineteen hundreds. Along with their great stories,I found that the vernacular of that era and of Britain to be almost an alien language to us in America. So I spend a lot of time looking up words they use. So that I can completely understand what they are trying to say.
Another author I really admire is Donald E. Westlake. I find this author to be by far the most humorous I have ever read. His stories about John Dortmunder and his gang of thieves, proves that all humor does not have to be demeaning or slapstick.

I am sure that I will think of more imposable dreams to add to the my list. But That's it for today.
3/24/10
Normally I just add to my lists,without mentioning it.
But so many readers have giving me a jab about my thinly veiled referance to Jennifer Aniston.That I feel compelled to add her to my list.
I did not want to be preceived as a dirty old man, so I tried to sneak it by. I figured it would just be my little joke. So now that I have been exposed,

12. have a rasslin' match with Jennifer

Yucca's

This blog was going to be a list of things I would like to do. But A person emailed me, with a plea for advice on how to take care of his Yucca plants. This is puzzling to me. In this day and age, there is a plethora of gardening websites. That plus the fact that few people take the advice that is given. As all gardeners know, most garden maintenance is tedious labor. And most wannabe gardener's enthusiasm quickly peters out.
But this person is one of the few people who does listen and actually has become a very good gardener. I feel that I have him buffaloed.
So I passed on my skimpy expertize, pertaining to the care of his Yucca's. I also emphasised that Yucca plants have a much better chance of staying with you until death does you part. Much more so, than any wedding vow. Yucca plants although not as invasive as bamboo, nut grass, and violets to mention a few have a very persistent root system.It is almost impossible to get all of the Yucca roots out of the soil. And the next thing you know, new little Yucca's appear. So unless you are transplanting the Yucca or any of it's ilk. My advice is to nuke them. And most times, bamboo will just laugh at the herbicide, and at you to.
Back to the reason why talking about Yucca plants, made me switch from blogs about my inane list. To Yucca plants and memories of Army bases and Fort Dix in general.
I cannot prove this statement to be fact. But I have been on a number of army bases, and they all look the same. Sand and Yucca plants. Which I believe is some kind of military strategy. Now the Yucca plant when properly cared for has a beautiful large showy bloom, and will bloom yearly. But as it is a succulent it can survive in poor arid soil, stay olive green and ward of any predators. Ideal for harsh conditions.
In basic training I was never picked as the supernumerary when assigned guard duty (a soldier who acted as a reserve sentry, who was picked because of his spit and polish. In the civilian world he would probably be called a rump swab. This solider got to hang out in the orderly room. While us other worthless saps, wandered around in the dark trying to stay awake and remember the order of the day) I also always ended up on the much despised pots and pans detail, when ever I was assigned to KP. Now the reason I never got any of the tit details when I was assigned to these duty's is simple. I was one of the privates who felt as though it was his duty to help close up the beer garden every night. How could I possibly be one of the first KP's to enter the mess hall at 4 a.m. Or to to have the presence of mind to break new starch for the guard detail inspection. Christ I was lucky to have a semi spit shine and a remotely close gig line.
Don't get me wrong I loved basic training, and enjoyed most of it. Guard duty, KP,close order drill and policing the area where however my downfall. Our field first was diminutive, a real prick and a fierce leader. He was dapper in his tailored fatigues and appeared as if he cracked starch every day. When this master sergeant chewed out your ass, he made Sgt's Snorkel and Fatso Judson sound like choir boys.
So my life long dislike of Yucca came from getting my hands sliced front and back by the razor sharp leaves of Yucca plants while policing cigarette butts and gum wrappers in and around those wretched plants. All the while this little shit is strutting around with his swagger stick. Screaming "all I want to see is assholes and elbow's"!

My Do,Do list

After I bored most of my readers to death, with my absurd "things I would never do list" . I have decided to add insult to injury. I am going to do this by listing things, I do almost every day or seasonally. So as the opposite of my things I would never do list, It is my list of things I do, do. Most of my readers. I am sure will heave a sigh of relief, and say to themselves well he's finally got that right. But I am sure all my readers have some kind of do,do list. So here is my humble routine.

My do.do list
1. fly a flag daily
2. tend to house plants
3. take hypertension meds.
4. tend to flower beds
5. do USA Today crossword
6. read (mostly mysteries)
7. check email
8. check credit card accounts
9. check facebook
10. read box scores
11. take a long walk
12. pick up mail
13. household chores
14. color eggs (seasonal)
15. carve pumpkin (seasonal)
16.Thanksgiving, go to Lisa's in a.m.
17. Christmas eve, kids come to visit
18. Christmas a.m. go to visit Joe and Diana
19. 1st week August go to Priscilla's for Dylan's birthday
20. tend to my fantasy baseball team
21. display greens for Yule and winter seasons (seasonal)
22. put pansies in flower boxes as forerunners to summer annuals.
23. first and last of course is to tend to daily hygiene

24. watch the Patriots with Joe

25. with Diana, watch and critique our favorite TV shows

So just like my "I would never do that list", I am sure I have missed a few things.
Naturally illicit and shady shenanigans have to go unmentioned.
I am sure most of my readers, have do,do lists, much longer then mine. But as you can
see by my two lists, I do tend to tread on the wild side.
So my advice to my readers is this. When dealing with any superiors,be they bureaucratic or management types. proceed with caution,or you may very well end up on a different type of doo-doo list!

I would never do that!

Almost every day, I hear someone say. Wow! I would never wear that! or I would never do that! I have those same sentiments two or three times a day. So I decided I would list the things that I would never do. The list is quite long, and I am sure I have many quirks that I have omitted as I am quite fastidious by nature. I also am sure that most readers could care less about my list.
But if they do bother to scan my list, it will trigger thoughts of their own, "I would never do list"
List of things I would never do.
1. Wear a Beret,a Fez or a Scally cap
2. get a tattoo
3. listen to opera music
4. get a haircut from a stylist
5. run for office
6. join any club or organization that would have me as a member
7. ring up my own groceries
8. pump my own gas
9. wear shorts in public
10. wear clogs
11. go to the beach
12. do karaoke
13. watch soap operas
14. wear a bow tie
15. wear leather pants
16. listen to rap music (or any of today's so called music)
17. eat sweet potatoes
18. eat any tofu concoction

19. buy a lottery ticket

20. compose poetry

21. wear an earring

22. take a sea cruise

23. visit a brothel

24. ever again say I do

25. run in the Boston marathon

As you see I could go on and on with this list, because I am such a wild and crazy guy.

Far fetched

In response to a statement from a reader of my blogs. I can only repeat what I have vowed in previous blogs. That is to tell things the way I remember them sans hearsay. And to express my opinion of how I felt about said occurrences,then and now. As you know as we get older,we tend to view things in a different light.
This person I consider to be a brother, though we are not related. we lived in the same house as family for many years.The five year difference in our ages,seems to have caused us to reflect differently on our childhood.
He stated that after reading my blogs, he now understood where my far flung ideas came from. The way I interpreted that statement,was that to him my blogs were far fetched and nothing more than a figment of my imagination. So I asked him, if by far flung he meant whacky? His reply to my question was a vague reference to how he had finally seen the light and was now a devout Mormon.He went on to say how he believes the bible to be true and that someday he expects to have his own spaceship and to be transported to another dimension. I hope for his sake everything he believes is true. And that someday his hope that he too will be resurrected will transpire.
He went on to say.That he could relate to the attitude of the elders at Emmanuel church. Because of his experience's as an employee of Walmart. He had to regularly deal with out of control kids. and with parents who were just as delinquent.
After reading all his remarks about religion. I came to the conclusion, that he was
referring to the comments I made in my blog "Supposition" In which I stated that I am a agnostic. I also said that I did not believe in the tall tales of the bible. UFOs or any other unfounded hearsay. So if I offended him in any way I am sorry. I know that religion to some people is worth going to war over.
The point I was trying to make is, that there is always a good common sense answer to all of our ignorance's. I do not see how you could be an agnostic,without being a realist.
As far as the church hypocrites he defends. I don't think we were any worse acting then their kids were. And probably not nearly as sneaky.
I am sure his attempt to get me to try to see the light was done with affection and concern for my soul. However I feel quite comfortable with my beliefs.
The one thing that I have always wondered about crusaders! are they trying to convince me.or themselves?

Emma Nutt part two

I do not claim to be overly bright or a very gifted computer user. I think this puts me somewhere in the middle of the pack. And as far as using this medium for paying bills and communicating goes,maybe a little below average
In my last blog I was very critical of Comcast's product delivery and website. I did not do this to be malicious. I was just venting, and sharing my thoughts with whom ever might be interested.
To my surprise I got a response in the comment section of my blog. I was surprised on two fronts. One being that most all of my readers, shy away from the comment section. And respond via email. The second surprise being the respondent. A Mr. Mark Casem from the customer relations department at Comcast. His response was that he would like to address the issues that concerned me. So he invited me to contact him. My first reaction was oh Christ, big brother is watching me. But after talking things over with my daughter Diana and looking at blogging in general, it only makes sense sense that they would monitor and react to negative blogs.
So on March second I sent him my email address and telephone number. I figured that would be the end of this little story. But the very next day I received a phone call from Janis Falzone, who is the New England Representative of the customer relations department. She invited me to unload all of my real or imagined grievance's. Well I was on the phone with her for a good half hour and found her to be a good listener and sincere. Now these are traits you would expect to find in a diplomat. So she certainly seems to be well suited for that position.When we parted she promised to look into my allegations and then she would get back to me.
To give the devil his due, I was impressed with,what seemed like good intentions.

Talking about being average, that's just about where I feel I fit in, as far as coping with all the little every day vexations.But when it comes to coping with the new age blister packs and child proof packing. I am mediocre at best! With these new reclosable plastic bags,where it says tear here. For me that's mission impossible, and I promptly reach for my scissors. As far as child proof bottles go. First I have to fumble with that plastic seal around collar, and then have a trial and error sequence until I get it lined up right. This has to be done well in advance of when needed. Especially with any medication that I am hoping to get instant relief from. As far as blister pack goes, it is a perfect name for this type of packaging. I understand the concept.The product is well protected from damage in transit,and is not easily opened by shoplifters.
So the shoplifter just takes the whole package.This still leaves the consumer who purchases one of the packages that the thief missed, a real dilemma. How to get the aptly named blister pack open. After much trial and error,I suggest a reciprocating saw.