Supposition

Today I am going to reflect on my memories of the Emmanuel Congressional Church in Ryal side. And try to relate how it laid the ground work for how I feel about religion, and why I could be rightly called an agnostic.
As you know I spent my formative years living with the Thibedeaus. Nanny insisted that we had to attend Sunday school every week, and to go to all the other church services as we grew older.
Thibedeau being a name of French extraction, meant that they were probably of Catholic faith. Which is possibly why I never saw a Thibedeau in the Emmanuel church. For that matter I do not recall any of them ever attending any church.That's not to say they were atheists,It just means that I was ignorant of their persuasions.
Lookng back at the reason we went to the Emmanuel church, I think it was twofold. One it was the only church in Ryal side, thus it was in walking distance. And two, I am inclined to believe that ABC's and bible study were prerequisites for receiving the monthly stipend. What I remember most about that little church was how beautiful it was. With it's bell tower instead of a steeple, it looked more like the Alamo then a rustic New England church. Once inside the big double front doors, I delighted in the essence of fresh cut flowers and some kind of pine smelling oil that was used on the pews. The light reflecting through stained glass windows and the altar cloths with the bright colors of which ever holy season it happened to be. It was a indeed special feeling. To this day I do not let my cynical feelings for the people who ran the church, or the hypocrites who attended it, effect the warm feeling I had for that beautiful little building.
I say had! It was a sad day when it burned to the ground.Today there is a real ugly looking monstrosity in it's place. As this modernistic horror has no steeple or tower, the beautiful old bell was just plunked down on the pavement out front. One can only gather that it was a very insensitive afterthought. This new building looks like it was built to lure UFOs
As I said before growing up as a state ward, you learn real quick that you are nothing but a second class citizen. Even though the Emmanuel church was right across the street from the grammar school, it was a world away in morality.At the grammar school,the students treated you like an equal. And the teachers treated you the same way they treated all the kids.
Across the street,the minister and the deacons,elders,church fathers or what ever silly assed title they went by, treated you like you were a leper. Any time one of us rifraff came near any of the adult church people they would get that look on their faces, like they could smell a fart, or had just stepped in something. Their demeaning looks and condescending ways, made their holier than thou attitude a joke. So of course we became experts at skipping Sunday school classes or services. Any day it was not pouring rain we would go in the front door of the church, down to the lower level where classes were held and out the side door. It was easy to dodge the teachers as these people were usually old maids or swishy types who usually sat down to pee. As I related before, Nanny's rule. No matter what the weather,you go out doors to play. So skipping Sunday school in the middle of the winter was a piece of cake. Out the side door and right into the bordering woods. Here was a path that bordered a stream that lead straight to Bates Park avenue. Here we would while away the time until the church bell tolled, to call the hypocrites to the Sunday service. Also signaling the end of Sunday school.
I could go on about my dislike for my real or imagined treatment at that church but it would be redundant. I became very cynical at a young age. Most of the things I was told about and read about in the bible, I equated to tall tales like Johnny Appleseed or Robin Hood. Cute but probably not true. So did I want to be a hypocrite, I thought not. I'm sure I am at some other things but not religion.I feel that most larger denominations are a legal scam, and that most minister and priest are scammers.
How ever I have had experiences with a smaller church, where I found the people to be upright,honest and sincere. Although I could never accept their beliefs, I have to admire their strong conviction.So I have ended up with this concept. You have to let your conscience be your church. When you do good you are elated. When you do things that bother your conscience you feel uneasy and embarrassed. Some times you can atone by apologising and and attempt to do better.Some times if you are a cement head like me,it takes many years to realize that your conscience is bothering you about things you did years ago. So all I can do now is try not to make the same mistakes all over again. So I guess my concept is "let your conscience be your guide"